what did i do this year?  A LOT!
things like:
-jett moved out so carmen moved in 
-spent more time in the living room because i stopped using the computer in my room
-talked more to mom because i had a huge quarrel with her this summer
(i screamed at her)
-had more eye and body contact with molly
(laugh out loud at this one)
-lost weight because i picked up dancing
-passed my MATH test for the first time in 2 years 
(i really was happy about this. one of my greatest achievement. no kidding)
-hated more people and liked more people
-watched the gossip girl season 2 series
-knew the kind of guy i like and dislike
-observed more school rules
-made friends with willie shen
-learned a lot from ms eileen shum's rs lessons

A LOT has happened this year. A LOT. both good and bad. goods are like i learnt A LOT through A LOT of happenings. bads are like i had to learn them through A LOT of happenings. shit. it's just so hard to learn things the easy way. 
i made some pretty fatal mistakes. oh well, i didn't die. i didn't kill any life. so they are not exactly fatal. they're just unforgettable and irrevocable.

but to be very honest, i like 2009. to be more exact, i like the second half of 2009. now, i don't regret what i did because they happened for a reason. they made me learn a lot, understand more of myself and others.  
i will remember year 2009.

then i realize i have no one to turn to.
then i realize i should not turn to anyone.
because there is no one. no one all along.
it has always been me. myself. alone. on the run. escaping God knows what. escaping the eyes. the lies. the excruciation. the everything.
should i know earlier i had no one but myself, i would stop. i would think. and think again. over and over. until i successfully persuade myself into thinking that was right. that. and that was i don't know what.

that IS escruciating. IS. VERY. EXCRUCIATING.

at least i get to share with someone. anything. i did not regret. because at that exact moment, i wanted someone to know. i wanted someone to hear. to listen to me.
but. i regretted. i regetting to have my emotions leaked out. to someone i do not know if i could rely on. because feelings fluctuate. both theirs and mine. or because there is no one i can rely on. there is no one all along. no one.

or maybe there is still my mother and carmen. they are great persons. i love them. they are all i need now. them. just them. no one but them.

SIXTEEN JOR THREE MONTHS LA
HO CHI HO DAAI GOR NUI GUM
I AM A BIG BIG GIRL! WOW AND
AUTUMN PLAY WATER HO HOI  SUM HO SU FUK
FEELS EVEN BETTER THAN GOING TO BEACH IN SUMMER

Happy Halloween?